Chase Utley Even More Handsome in HD


As Joe Blanton’s job goes from secure to hanging by a thread to possibly okay, the main term being thrown around is “wiggle room.”  The Phillies would be cutting him loose for the sole purpose of having some spare money lying around.

I can totally sympathize.  When my checking account sinks below a certain amount, there’s that sense of creeping despair over whether or not you’ll wind up needing cash you don’t have for some unavoidable, irreversible thing.  Have you ever hit an escaped emu with the front of your car in broad daylight?  It’s terrible.  Emu farmers will take you to the bank.


Even if Joe is still kickin’ it in the bleachers come the 2011 season, the Phils are still sealed up pretty tight around the budget.  It’s going to have to be something serious, like a zombie virus spawning in the clubhouse shower, or an ill-timed string of emu-cides, to let any significant amount of dollars flutter off the pile.

Say hello to your brand new, $10 million high definition video display!

The Phillies would like to remind you that they are so great, they deserve to only come at you in the best quality way possible.  76 feet high and 95 feet wide, the big screen at Citizens Bank Park is now the hugest in the National League.  Which isn’t to say there was some sort of league-wide dick-measuring contest, but, you know.  If there was, we would win.

The size also makes it one of the biggest on the planet, more than tripling the size of the old screen and giving it a hideous bout with feelings of inadequacy.

But the HD-ness doesn’t stop there.  The high quality viewing apparently continues, spreading from the big screen into all the individual televisions and monitors in the park.  You can even stand in McFadden’s for the entire game, buying $9 Fosters and unsuccessfully hitting on the employees, and you’d still see everything in crystal clear, wave-of-the-future HD.

"“The display could feature 49 life-size Phillie Phanatics standing next to and on top of each other.”—Press Release"

And now that they’ve said that, it better.