John Sickels took a gander up the Phillies’ skirt and graded each of his favorite prospects. The conclusion: There’s good in them their hills! But much like the actual gold rush, the finds and claims that change lives forever will be spread apart by collapse, disappointment, and untimely death. Sadly, there will be no gold-sniffing gophers from The Yukon Trail.
So here are some of my favorites.
Jonathan Singleton, 1B
Soon to be poor defensive outfielder Ryan Howard, Jr. will have to prove how successfully he can make Scott Barry shit his pants before stepping into The Big Piece’s shoes several years from now. So, Jonathan, if you’re reading this, please contact me at email@example.com if you want to track down and break into Scott Barry’s house, then measure how horrified he is to discover us standing over his bed while he sleeps.
Brody Colvin, RHP
It’s pretty obnoxious to dwell on people’s mistakes, whether they lost the satellite remote or punched a cop in the face. So let’s just point and wink at Brody’s cannon, appreciate it, love it, nurture it, and get to know it, because with the amount of holes we’ll be filling with inside help in the coming months/years, Brody’ll be here quicker than you can say “misdemeanor assault.”
Justin De Fratus, RHP
You’ve heard my thoughts on De Fratus, my comparisons to him being a fork, my glorification of even his more minute accomplishments. So Scott Mathieson is standing in what will hoepfully be De Fratus’ role someday, “future closer of the Philadelphia Phillies.” Which makes De Fratus the future closer of the future. Assuredly, at this point, Mathieson would have to be crushed by a falling piano to miss out on playing habitually in the Major Leagues. But De Fratus’ OMG speed and OMFG movement and ZOMFG versatility makes him a high level wild card in an organization with plenty of pitching holes.
Jesse Biddle, LHP
Bud Selig’s melodious voice wheezed the name “Jesse Biddle” into the microphone during last year’s draft, and this locally-sourced golden boy has been charming our pants off ever since. What? You guys all still have your pants on? Yeah, me too. What is the benefit of drafting from a geographically convenient talent pool? I guess the player has more reasons to stick around in the future. Or he comes equipped to perform in a Tastykake ad without much background information.
Matt Rizzotti, 1B
What are we going to do with this guy? The Phillies made sure no one else could have him, but the trick is, he’s a first baseman, so we really don’t have a ton of use for him right now either. So what are we doing? Putting a leash on him, but not taking him out for walks?
Josh Zeid, RHP
To Josh, we actually have the biggest window of insight, given his tell-all blog that constantly churns out the dirt once or twice a week. What is it like driving 33 hours straight from Arizona to Florida? “Boring.” What was his team like in the Arizona Fall League? “Amazing.” How was it to play in the Rising Stars game in the AFL? “Great.” Plus, he smothered Bryce Harper and his “simple approach” with an inside fastball.
Domonic Brown, OF
I forget Dom still counts as a “prospect.” But whenever somebody says he still needs to develop (he does), or that he fell victim to a Mets conspiracy involving Ken Oberkfell and los Leones de Escogido (he did), or he only hit .210 in the regular season and .000 in the post season, just picture this and all those issues feel like they’re 440 feet away.