Any Interest in Jeff Francoeur is Way Too Much F*cking Interest

It was easy to ignore the rumors.  It was simple to pretend it wasn’t happening.  Sure, I saw his name in the pile of low quality right fielders that could step in, but there were so many others, I assumed it would not be worth bringing up.  I mean, yeah, I would have to sprint to the bathroom and spit up some blood every time somebody hinted at it, but that habit has become all too commonplace.

If this is an off season where we lose Jayson Werth and “gain” Jeff Francoeur, it will be the realization of my sickest, most twisted, psychologically buried nightmares.Now, its beyond rumors.  The Phillies are sitting in the same room as Jeff Francoeur and talking about job offers.  David Murphy’s link to it is now a corpse, which can only mean that the story was so untrue, it was beaten to death by angry thugs.

Even if Jeff Francoeur hits a vengeance-slathered walkoff grand slam off Brian Wilson to win the 2011 NLCS on the last pitch of the year, after having a monster season of hitting .389, with 43 HR and 10,975 RBI, I will find him disgusting.  I have to.  At this point, celebrating Francoeur in any way would be like trying to deny that I was born.

But my pride is not the only thing at stake here.  Jeff Francoeur is terrible at hitting. Which, for a baseball team looking to acquire him, could be pretty bad news.  His dropoff since being dubbed “The Natural” has been astounding.  And now Charlie says he could “fix” him?  Wh… why?  Why can’t we just get a pro ball player who laready knows how to hit and save Charlie the effort?

And not only that, he has publicly lambasted the Phillies, wished them ill will, and is generally despised by the populace.  How the fuck would this work?  I can come around to anybody, I feel, in a Phillies uniform.  The initial hatred of a guy coming to the team who hasn’t always been our best pal is always there, but then he does something great or endearing, and he’s accepted.  Francoeur is just a self-righteous, opinionated dick.

But hey!  According to Jeff’s unbelievably stupid blog, he’s “…planning to be ready for a BIG 2011.”  How do you “plan to be ready” for something?  He’s not  “planning” for a big 2011, or “ready” for a  big 2011, he’s both!  Not to nitpick, because I give less of a shit about Jeff’s bad grammar than I do about his baseball, but the 12-year-old idiot who ghost writes this whorish, corporate pile of festering turds should really learn something about sentence structure.

I sure hope the Phillies fly Delta!