Phillies Keeping Busy Despite Traumatizing Jayson Werth Affair


So I took a personal guided tour of AT&T Park today, and I didn’t even start a fire!  Check out Crashburn Alley tomorrow for the details.  In the mean time, why don’t we take a look at what everybody’s up to.

Of course you know the Phillies as a team, but do you know them on a personal level?  I sure don’t.  Maybe you do.  They have their interests, and feelings, and boundaries, and there’s more to them than just playing baseball and ignoring your requests to hang out some time via fax.  Here’s what’s up with the starting eight this week.

  • Shane, if I had known you give out get-well hitting lessons for charity, I would have called you every time I sneezed for the last three years.  But that’s probably why you didn’t tell me.  That and we’re not technically friends.
  • I haven’t caught a single Sunny episode this season.  Is it any good?  I remember being disappointed a lot last season, but that was probably also due to my cat committing suicide.  After months of speculation, though, Ryan and Chase are finally making their cameos, and oh-ho man, is it ever a doozy. Just ask Todd Zolecki, who has actually seen it.
  • Ryan Howard” is a very common name, turns out.
  • The Cubs apparently dug up a prospect in the Dominican with some extremely familiar aspects.

"“The teen looks like a young Raul Ibanez physically, except in his face, which gives away his age.”–"

“Is it weird having the face of a 38-year-old man and the body of a 16-year-old boy?!” reporters demanded, to which the poor lad simply bowed his head in shame and a nearby gaggle of school girls silently ridiculed his looks.

  • Jimmy’s going jump start Christmas again, with help from some Pat Burrell memorabilia.  Uh, great.
  • Take literally 30 seconds and read this hilariously rushed interview with Placido Polanco in which he clearly just wants to get the hell back to golfing.
  • Philadelphia is officially as proud of Carlos Ruiz as they are of a linebacker from Boston College and the entire Villanova football team.
  • Meanwhile, Terry Francona tries to seduce Jayson Werth.  “You know, I used to coach the Phillies,” Terry said.  “We were terrible.  Therefore, you should play for the Red Sox.”