Cole Hamels Pitches Gem in Mets Win


Anybody hear from Jamie Moyer?

Sometimes I wonder what he’s up to.  How that arm feels.  How those swirling thoughts of retirement are treating him.  How it feels to have his equally middle-aged neighbor in goofy shorts wave at him as he waters his azaleas.

I wonder if Jamie watches the Phils and thinks “Yeah, sure, I’ll be right back,” or “Jesus god, pass the cortisone.”  I wonder if he clutches a baseball in his hand and thinks about hurling it through the front room window in frustration, or grabbing the doctor who may tell him “Its over, Jamie” by the collar and demanding a re-examination or so help him god, he’d very slowly put his face through the X-Ray machine.

I wonder how seriously he considers hanging up those cleats and becoming a entrepreneur.

The sexy hustle and bustle of Downtown Quakertown can only seduce a man for so long.

Hey, the Phillies lost!

Mets 1, Phillies 0

Now, I know I what you’re thinking:  “What the hell is this?  I thought this was one of those famous, funny Phillies blogs.  Psh.  I’m outta here.  E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES.”

But also, you’re probably thinking this is the exact same game the Phillies played against the Mets in the last series, the one where Cole Hamels pitched spectacularly (8 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 8 K, 2 BB) and still lost 1-0 because the offense could do nothing in the face of Mets pitching but shrug.


Well, I’m here to tell you that close to the exact same thing happened last night, and boy howdy, was it ever a treat to watch, as the Mets were handed a gift wrapped win for their first two consecutive victories since June 23.

This time, an added twist:  The Phillies only managed one hit, and it was Cole Hamels who hit it!  Hilarious.

Unless, of course, you are Cole Hamels, in which case I would have to ask why are you reading this blog, and not kidnapping the offspring of your teammates to hold hostage in exchange for actual run support?  Time to get creative, Cole, because you’re sure not going to win at baseball the old fashioned way.

You know.  By playing it.

I suppose with the name “R.A. Dickey” (9 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 7 K, 1 BB) one would have to work extra hard not to be cornered into a career as a goofy hardware store owner that nobody respects.  So in a way, you can look at the strangely-bearded fellow who all but blanked us last night and think, “Damn, that guy can really throw the stupidest pitch in baseball very, very well.”

Dropping to three games behind the Braves, the Phillies faithful are back into “IF we make the playoffs” mode, shattering the confidence and swagger with which we walked into Citi Field from the late inning dismantling of the Dodgers.

One would like to think with Doc on the mound today, something… anything… could happen to push toward actual victory, because you know Roy will be out there throwing to win.  Perhaps facing a pitcher who doesn’t throw a baseball in the same way the M.C. Escher drew architecture will bring a seed of luck to the Philadelphia side.

I also like to think that every day Chase Utley has not played baseball since his injury, his fervor and desire have been dammed up and building, building, building, to the point that when he does return sooner than expected (Starts a rehab assignment momentarily) he unleashes a wave of offense and defense of such raucous execution the planet swallows itself whole.

Image courtesy of Yardbarker

Follow TBOH on Twitter or dance the dance of utter shame and regret.