Phils Limit Acquisition Talk to “Not Pedro Martinez”


"Is there no end to the Philadelphia Phillies‘ insults toward the New York Mets?  –Adam Rubin, ESPN NewYork"

Ha, ha.  Of course not.  Hell, I’ll insult them right now:  You suck, Mets.  Your helmets are too big and Jeff Francoeur is a shit-eating crybaby.  He’s probably crying right now.  Why?  I don’t know.  Because somebody cut in front of him in line at the ice cream truck, probably.  It doesn’t take much.

Yes, I’m ignoring Chooch’s giant rehab helmet.  The insults don’t work if they can be rebuttaled.  What are you, new at this?

"…when Phillies manager Charlie Manuel’s staff was caught using binoculars in Colorado earlier this season, Manuel said — completely out of left field — that the Mets have a pretty good home record, intimating something might be stinky at Citi Field."

Well, if that’s what you’re writing, you clearly don’t know where “left field” is.  Charlie’s not exactly a guy who’s going to come up with childish insults to pop off in the papers, or use a hot button topic as an excuse for his own failures.

Oh, those crazy [half a game up] Mets.

So, how about all those crazy trade deadline rumors?  We need relief pitchers, we need starting depth, we need half an infield, damn it.  Well, you know who’s not going to be a Phillie this year is that Pedro Martinez.

Last year, Pedro was fresh off the World Baseball Classic at this time, hurling like a monster.  He was primed.  He was gassed.  He had actually stood on a pitching mound recently.

And that’s what attracted Ruben to him–not just the hair.  This year… god, you might as well give a contract to the guy shrieking high pitched curse words at you over Xbox Live.