Jimmy Rollins Just Totally Sick of Really Boring Game



23-year-old Reds starter Travis Wood, who took a no hitter into the 9th against the Phillies tonight, and TBOH writer Justin Klugh discovered that they were the same age.  Klugh began casually jotting things down between innings, and when he exited the room, others sitting nearby discovered the following list amongst his notes.

Things I’ve done Travis Wood hasn’t:

-Used the most molotovs in last Left 4 Dead campaign

-Wasn’t born in Arkansas

-Don’t have last name easily converted into boner joke

-Phillies rule

-Was never cut from Reds Spring Training roster

-Have own Phillies blog (in top 32 Phillies blogs on internet)

-Adopted penguin

-Haven’t fallen down steps in a while

-Wasn’t born in Arkansas

Phillies 1, Reds 0

Everybody loves a pitcher’s duel.  I mean, everybody love’s to say the phrase “pitcher’s duel.”  It sounds like two guys came barreling out of their respective dugouts and tangled in a graphic, visceral machete fight for nine innings, while the rest of their teams sit in silent sheer horror at the display.

What it actually is is an offensively gutted, yet fast-moving game; one that most certainly has children whining about leaving early while dad tries to explain how this barely ever happens.  But children don’t care, they just bitch and moan slowly hover around your ankles.  They’re the “sick cats” of baseball spectating.

Roy Halladay and Travis Wood went pitch for pitch tonight, kicking each other’s asses and disemboweling each other’s teammates… without using a machete.

Doc, spending more of the year being ritually screwed while surrendering piss-ant two and three run leads as his offense failed to back him up, realized he would just have to allow zero runs in case the offense needed 10 innings to warm up.  Well, he was unrelenting, and the Phillies sat there and watched, so it appeared another Halladay special was being sabotaged from within.

And it was, thanks to Travis Wood doing all that stuff people seem to think is really great fro a 23-year-old.  Finally, Jimmy Rollins would cram the game’s lone RBI into the left field corner in the bottom of the 11th.

For some reason, the Phillies can win, but they can only win in extra innings.  That’s like taking the “fastest route” by driving down the wrong side of the highway.

Three walkoffs in a row really makes you think:  Is Placido Polanco going to start rehabbing soon?  Maybe it doesn’t, but transitions are lame and sort of hard when you are half-asleep.  But the answer is yes, this Monday, Polly has a Threshing assignment in Clearwater.

As we all stare at clocks and try to calculate how many ticks will be the two weeks until his return, let us go into the Reds series finale knowing that we have undoubtedly pooped on their dinner, and with the Braves and Mets beating up on each other, we’re making ground on somebody every night.

Jimmy ended the game with a swing for the third night, which makes you wonder what exactly could happen tomorrow to be an even more thrilling victory, and how children will go out of their way to ruin it.