ShaneWatch 2010 Comes to Adorable Close


Shane Victorino, a man who respected Phillies bloggers have called a “raging, gastrointestinal ball of Hawaiian thunder,” will actually be standing in the field when a baseball game starts for the first time in 2010.  That’s right, tonight, at 7:05, Shane gets the start in center against Atlanta, sore shoulder and all.  And he even threw in a reference to the highly rewarding process of raising children.

And finally, we are going to talk about him on That Balls Outta Here.  Prepare yourselves.


Has Shane’s powerfully sensed absence allowed us to drift from what lies ahead for him in 2010?  What’s different?  Well, for starters, he’s probably not batting second, except for tonight, when he is.  Placido Polanco will obviously fill the two hole because of his engorged likelihood to make contact.

Not that Shane doesn’t make contact.  But how will this pie-chucking speed demon adjust to his change of scenery?  Will we have to watch as the engines on his batting average explode and send him plummeting back to earth as a pile of flaming wreckage?  Or will he flourish in his new role, giving life to the bottom of the lineup that is no longer being shived repeatedly by the likable Pedro Feliz?

Let’s go the fans.

According to votes on FanIQ, Shane will have 79 RBI in his new spot.  That’s… that’s way more than last year.  But that makes sense, because now there’s more guys hitting in front of him; guys like Jayson Werth, Chase Utley, and Raul Ibanez, who seem to have a knack for putting themselves in scoring position.  Maybe not “second half 2009 Raul” but the “look at him go, he runs like a freaking arthropod” Raul.

Of course, this same survey says that fans are under the impression Shane will play in 162 games this season, so you might say these results are biased, or possibly even meaningless.  You may wonder why someone who called themselves a “respected Phillies blogger” just three paragraphs ago would even bother to put in a reference like that.

But there’s a certain stock you can put in the predictions of fans, as we are the people who observe the team with the most impassioned, consistent eyes, especially here in Phila–

Wait, wait, wait a second– 24 home runs?! That’s… that’s more than twice his 2009 numbers.  Who’s taking this survey?  His kids?  A busload of ravenous Victorino fans?  Me?

Wait… did I get on FanIQ and start making overzealous and weirdly vulgar claims about Shane Victorino’s 2010 stats?  I mean again.  Damn it.  Here comes another warning from the site admin.

Well, it’s just good to see Shane back on the field, and I hope his shoulder doesn’t explode or something tonight.  I can’t imagine having to go through a Joe Nathan-esque scenario with one of our key players going down in Spring Training.

And finally, Shane couldn’t get out of a recent interview without an adorable sound byte:

You can always have a bad game, you’re frustrated, and you come home and see that smile on your child’s face, and it makes your day.


Oh, and speaking of children, that little girl who threw the foul ball back at the Phillies game last season is going to be on “Tosh.0” this week.  Loser points are awarded to anyone who knows/cares about what the hell any of the things I just said are.