It’s Time For Some Speculation About Jayson Werth’s Hair

“One day it’s lingo, one day it’s hillbilly, one day it’s Northern Virginia. Some of it might be in Japanese. I just let it come out.”

So, Charlie Manuel is clearly in need of an exorcist, but that’s okay.  We can ignore this one until he starts puking all over the dugout steps and Brad Lidge slips on it and fractures some important part of his spine.

The Phillies have much, much more important things to worry about.  For instance, we know that Greg Dobbs, Jimmy Rollins, and company felt that Charlie’s speech yesterday at the first full squad workout was just the ticket.  But what does Roy Halladay, “first-time Charlie-listener” (Thanks for that one, Daily Times), think?

He liked it.

“I liked it,” Halladay confirmed.  “It’s fun to hear someone talk about winning…”

Ha, ha.  It sure is, Roy.  It sure is.  Though apparently you need to be somewhat tri-lingual and fully aware of North Virginian colloquialisms to fully grasp what Charlie’s trying to get across.

In facial hair news, Jimmy Rollins thinks Jayson Werth looks like a homeless man:

“He looks like the dude when you’re driving down the street, hanging on the corner with a sign trying to get some change.  You’re just like, ‘For real?’ “

The more I hear Jimmy talk, the more I want him to somehow make a guest appearance on “Fresh Prince,” which, if you know my opinion of “Fresh Prince,”  then you know that’s a pretty high compliment.  I can just see him walking through the patio door and the studio audience going wild as he high-fives Uncle Phil and snags some hors d’oeuvre off a plate Geoffrey is carrying by.  Awesome.

Future questionable or not, Jayson Werth’s contributions to the team have been pants-soakingly bad-ass. The hair just make him looks biblical, or like he hangs out in a VW bus taking bong rips.

Hey!

There was a story in Philly Weekly today that the Phillies clubhouse “kind of reeked like marijuana” after the 2009 NLCS, the 2008 World Series, indicating that it habitually does so after critical wins.  If Werth’s hair is any indication, he gets pretty good stuff.

Good enough to have Charlie Manuel speaking in tongues, at least.

“The magic eight ball?  Shoot, I don’t know where that thing is,” said Jimmy Rollins.  Big surprise.

Oh yeah, I forgot.  Next to the story about the stinky clubhouse, which does not mention Jayson Werth by name at all, there is a picture of him holding a bat and looking intimidatingly into the camera.  And there’s no caption.  Talk about getting stereotyped.  You know, like I’ve been doing the past few paragraphs.

I do not think the Phillies are potheads.

Good night, folks!

UPDATE: “It’s an interesting situation, for me to be in, for me to describe, for you to describe what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to be sitting here blowing smoke or anything like that.”

-Jayson Werth

Whoa! That’s not fair at all.  He was talking about his contract expiring and staying in Philly.  You might even wonder why the hell I bothered to put that in there.

I don’t know.  It’s funny?

SECOND UPDATE: Ryan Howard’s answer to improving his offense in 2010:  “Find grass.”

This is so stupid, but I can’t help myself.