Despite Asshole Groundhog, Phils Sign Guzman


Groundhogs’ Day was yesterday.

“Six more weeks of winter,” the little bastard snarled.  Then he gave everybody the finger and scurried back into his shit-stained burrow.

And what we’re left with is six more weeks of waking up in a stagnant, frozen hell; where the sleet rapes the earth and the streets are haunted by the howl of homicidal wind gusts, summoned solely to grab commuters by the collar and force a raw, frigid tongue down their throats.  All thanks to a terrified, buck toothed rodent without the brain capacity to escape a goofy old man in a top hat.

So that’s what kind of mood I’m in this morning.

When I heard the Phillies had signed a Yankee, I couldn’t stop chuckling evilly and wringing my hands together, and I wasn’t letting things like “being on a crowded subway car” stop me.  Besides, that’s far from the strangest thing that’s ever happened on the Broad Street line.  Those people were probably just satisfied that I wasn’t spouting Bible trivia or asking my toenails for advice.

I couldn’t wait to see the look on Roommate’s face when I told him that the tables had turned; someone had poached a Yankee for once, and boy, was he ever going to feel it.

And then I realized I have no idea who Freddy Guzman really is; and to Roommate’s credit, he actually did.

The “Freddy Guzman Show” has apparently been on tour through the Minors (With the Yankees, Orioles, Red Sox, and Mariners) for some time now; his signature act being base thievery.  He did it 45 times in 2009 on the AAA level (batting .265), and’s got a video of him scuttling home on a dribbler and scoring. Quick?  He’s no Shane Victorino or Tyson Gillies, and Andy Sonnanstine helped that run get in about as much as Guzman did by essentially throwing the ball in the opposite direction of the play.

He’s never played an entire season professionally, and no, technically isn’t invited to Spring Training.

But yes, his speed would be a valuable asset.  Speed seems to be very important to Ruben Amaro.  There doesn’t seem to be too many guys who don’t have highly respectable lap times around the bases, as long as Raul Ibanez and Ryan Howard cut from second to home without anybody noticing.

And can I just say that  I figured Brody Colvin’s quiet dash into infamy would be good for a couple of cheap shots before it faded away and we could get back to talking about Cliff Lee, finally, but I saw he’s got a 90+ fastball.  He might just be worth springing.  At least, his arm is; when it’s actually pitching and not trying to punch cops.