Not Really the Time, Everybody


Dear Brett,

We wanted to let you know how much we appreciate the effort you’ve put in to getting healthy this year.  It’s never fortunate when a player who is a big part of a team’s success goes down for any amount of time.  Your contributions and talent are undeniable, and rest assured you play for a grateful organization.

Are you high?

You do realize we are in the midst of a World Series, yes?  Actually, we’re in the middle of defending a World Series, and get this:  it’s not going great.  That’s why we’re a tad confused as to how you can begin to think it appropriate to call out one of our struggling starting pitchers in front of the press corps.

It seems almost obvious that this is the kind of clubhouse tension that we shouldn’t have to handle right now.  You might say, it’s completely avoidable, too.  But, we understand how you feel like you should be able to express your opinion openly and maintain an honest relationship with your teammates.  After all, you had a 20-win regular season, with an ERA under 1, and we’re proud to speak of you as a “shoe-in” for this year’s NL Cy Young.

Brett:  None of that is true.

Please refrain from embarrassing yourself, your teammates, and your franchise by calling attention to yourself off the baseball field.

Like, for instance, for a lot of people, “Don’t punch your wife in the face” seems like a pretty clear and understood statement.


Phillies Front Office

Dear Cole,

We found your ideas regarding the length of the Major League Baseball season both revolutionizing and intriguing. However, we need to ask that, rather than developing an opinion regarding how long the season is, that you perform the duties of not only a professional athlete with a contract, but an adult, human person.

If you have misgivings about your own performances, we ask that you use even an ounce of wherewithal as an adult to address them in private.  You don’t have to use the “out of context” defense if you are able to control yourself. Even a little.

You’re part of a team.  This isn’t a Comcast commercial.


Phillies Front Office


Just… sit down, man.  Thanks for last year.

Phillies Front Office