September is a month without patience. All of the horrible things that are wrong with you that may have just been taken in stride are no longer even the least bit tolerable. Like checking your car’s oil, tires, and engine before taking a long trip, the month just before the playoffs is about preparing your team for the road ahead.
Unless you are driving the Nationals, in which case, your car has exploded, with all of your luggage and family inside.
The Phillies set off on their road trip to the playoffs this year, but now that we’ve been cruising down the highway for a few months, several changes have had to occur to keep our little Phillies Phamily from destroying each other.
Madson for Lidge
I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about it, but sometimes the elephant in the room won’t stop giving you the finger. If we plan on bringing Brad on this trip, he’s got to stop cutting the brakes. Ryan, while capable of some devastating crashes himself, is less likely to step into the driver’s seat and send us careening into a ravine full of wild pitches and extra base hits.
Raul Ibanez’s Beard
Maybe he actually is Bizarro Raul, but whoever he is, the last two games have shown offense that just wasn’t happening. Trapped in the trunk, we hit a bump in the road in Houston, and by the time we pulled into DC, Raul had managed to free himself. Just in time, too, because we need every run we can get right now.
Cole’s Big Show
It was no secret that Cole had packed way too much stuff and was clearly weighing us down. So, we waited until he was asleep in the backseat and threw as much of it as we could out the window. When he woke up, all he could do was throw strikes. Fancy that.
Charlie Manuel Feels Bad; Works Through It
Charlie’s the dad who decided to take the gas station attendant’s advice and go down that shortcut just off World Series Champions 2008 Lane and head on down to Brad Lidge Gulch. Sure, the route was scenic, but little by little, it got more and more obvious that this was no secondary route.
It was a nightmarish setup, so our picturesque playoff vacation was ruined by a family of inbred cannibals, who began picking us off one by one.
Charlie, with the big issue being that he doesn’t like to go back on his word, finally got the guts to pull Brad out of the car when he was Lidge-ing it up again and hurl “our closer” at the advancing mob while throwing it in reverse.
Now, if we could just floor it until the end of October, running down whoever’s in our way, maybe I could relax for a little.
Until then, keep your eyes on the road.
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