That Balls Outta He–Wait, That’s the Name of the Blog!


I had just finished tweeting some snarky comment about the Phillies failing to produce runs, when Ryan Howard and Jayson Werth burst into my living room and put my head through the monitor.

They of course did this in the form of smashing back-to-back dingers off a guy who may have been Cy Young-bound if he’d kept up his pre-All-Star game performances.

The Phillies assault on baseballs didn’t stop there.  Who thought that Cliff Lee would take to hitting so naturally?  The man’s got four hits since joining the National League, and you can tell, he flat out enjoys the hell out of it.  The picture of him crossing the plate to score his first run as a Phillie shows him with the most giant, child-like smile I’ve ever seen on a professional athlete.

Cliff Lee doesn’t just eat innings, he devours them.  He is ravenous for them.  He doesn’t stop pitching until his terrible hunger is satisfied and the opposing lineup is sitting in their locker room, shaking their heads.

Not that this is relevant, but did anybody see Roy Halladay pitch tonight?

But I’d like to discuss the offense.  Ahem.


Ryan, Chase, and Jayson all went yard tonight; Ryan for the fifth time in six games, and Jayson for the first and second times in nine innings.

We’re looking at a couple of role reversals on the diamond tonight.

First of all, the diamond itself:  Citizens Bank Park.  It was only a handful of months ago that I (along with the rest of the city, all right?  I’m not the only one who notices this stuff) was complaining about how the Phils just couldn’t seem to piece together a string of victories at home.

That little nightmare hasn’t been brought up in a while, probably because we’re now abusing baseballs in Philadelphia with the power and ease of a tank running over a tricycle.

Secondly, Dan Haren.  I tried to play up his skill in the last entry, because the guy was hurling some scary pitches earlier in the year, but now we’re responsible for his worst outing all season.

Think about it.

Any bar in Philadelphia, before the All-Star break:

“Hey, are the Phils on tonight?”

“Yeah, they’re playing the Diamondbacks at home.”

Silence as both parties are stricken with loss-related grief.

“Well…whose pitching for the D-Backs?”


Both parties pay for their checks and retreat home to sob softly into their pillows.

Feels good to do a 180.  Or, a 360, I guess.

But it’s not worth it to dwell on the past.  Let’s keep winning.