Jul 13, 2013; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Chicago White Sox second baseman Gordon Beckham (15) tags out Philadelphia Phillies right fielder Delmon Young (3) at second base in the first inning during game one of a doubleheader at Citizens Bank Park. Mandatory Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Why would Phillies not be buyers, honestly

Have you looked at that lineup card tonight?

Delmon Young is batting clean up, Jimmy Rollins leading off.  Not too long ago we had a white hot Ben Revere at the top and a monstrous Dom Brown in there.  That was a team I could get behind.  And make nagging comments about how they make me feel.

This one has less of a “gang of rough and tumble fellas who could cause some trouble, I tell ya” vibe going, and more of an amorphous… stupid… thing.  Some kind of awful ’90s team, pieced together with crap and shoved out into the spotlight, barely self-aware enough to know what to do.

So, you know, your Phillies spirits have to be in the stratosphere by now.  Which makes this the perfect time to tell you

This can’t just be what it looks like it is; Ruben is seeing what the Phillies are and just nodding and being like, “Oh, yeah.  Definitely.  Definitely all in with this crew.”

This has to be a long con of some kind, otherwise, we’re actually going to watch some deformed baseball monster try to sneak into the dance.  And it’s probably just going to end with a lot of screaming.

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