You old so-and-so.
#Phillies 2B Chase Utley is second all-time in career stolen base percentage at 88.73%
— Whiz Wit Sports (@WhizWitSports) May 23, 2013
Every day, there’s some new Chase Utley fact that makes him the
handsomest coolest guy ever. Just last week, he hosted he and his wife’s annual Casino Night to benefit the PSPCA. All while he dealt with incredible rib cage discomfort.
Actually, no; it couldn’t have started yet. Because as Bill Baer points out, Utley would have followed protocol for proper baseballing and being a human and told somebody to prevent the injury from spiraling into a weird, dumb mystery thing. Of course, Chase’s silence in the past seem to indicate this is a new concept for him, but at least he’s learning. There are a couple ways to handle an injury, but igniting a conspiracy is probably one of the less effective ones.
Today is the day that an MRI will determine whether or not Chase heads to the DL, joining the likes of Roy Halladay, John Lannan, and Mike Adams. When that MRI will take place is beyond us, so it’s probably a good idea to just stay vigilantly anxious all day long. Snapping at people and lashing out at co-workers is incredibly acceptable, once you clear away the tears and explain the context of your outburst. If you have to hold someone down, physically, in order to explain, that’s probably a good idea.
“I think we caught it early enough,” Chase says, having felt a twinge during batting practice in his rib cage – the batting cage of the human body. We can only hope.
And hold people down and shout at them.