If people have been doing anything at the Phillies this offseason, it’s laughing.
This past week, Chris Carpenter retired. Was it out of shame for the dark sorcery he employed during the 2011 NLDS, turning on his friend and competitor Roy Halladay as if they hadn’t started their careers together in Toronto? Probably.
But what he told the media was that it was due to issues with his shoulder. And if they were intense enough issues to end the career of a pitching icon, then they must have been pretty serious. Tragically, they mimic the shoulder issues of new Phillies reliever Mike Adams, who recently claimed that he has fine and we could probably stop throwing questions tied to bricks through the open windows of his bedroom.
“Thoracic outlet syndrome” they called it. It’s not something an electrician can fix.
The Phillies owe Adams $12 million because of a deal they offered him, not a pyramid scheme he ran. Naturally, the news of what is happening to Carpenter brought up the question of how long will it be before Adams is holding a surprise press conference of his own. Those are never to reveal a newly learned juggling talent or a recently adopted chocolate lab.
But Ruben Amaro wasn’t about to let people think exactly what they should be thinking, or let Adams address reporters directly.
“We’ve talked to him. He said he’s doing great. We’ll find out more when he arrives in Clearwater, and I think he’ll be arriving there fairly soon. He’s been throwing off the mound and he hasn’t had any issues. We’ll see how far along he is, whether he’s going to be behind in Spring Training or not. We don’t think so.”
If that’s not the most ambiguously reassuring thing that hasn’t ever made people go, “Well that certainly didn’t tell us anything real,” later, then I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave. And as far as Adams’ health problems running parallel to Carpenter’s, Amaro uttered this gem:
“Everybody’s situation is a little different.”
I mean, Adams’ situation might make him more powerful. Who are we to make logical conclusions based on past/currently happening events?