Where does Cliff Lee go in the offseason?
I picture him on a brambish mountain peak, menacing local wildlife with a cross bow. Does something grisly and horrible happen, forcing him to eat Kyle Kendrick? One can only assume.
In all likelihood, though, Cliff has returned home to his family, like a normal, human person not living a Liam Neeson movie in real life. He bonds with the wife and children with whom he misses throughout the season, all the while keeping in shape to maintain that level of excellence he established for his career years ago.
Home is Arkansas for Cliff, which for most of us is a memorable state mostly because of its closeness to the beginning of that song that lists all of the states. What he does there is a mystery, though the “crossbow” thing comes from that heartbreaking story when he was out hunting hogs and his wife called to tell him he’d been traded to the Mariners.
But we don’t need to talk about that. What we can do is congratulate Cliff for being the richest professional athlete native to the Natural State.
With the $21.5 million he took in this season, Cliff beat out Joe Johnson of Brooklyn Nets, Torii Hunter of the Tigers, Deangelo Williams of the Carolina Panthers, and A.J. Burnett of the Human Weasels to take in the honor.
So, no matter what he’s doing based on presumptions we make into the tiny window of his personal life we have received–so, bow huntin’ or practicing nonchalant pop-up catches or having umpires spit baseballs out of their mouths at him (Pictured, right)–we know he’s doing it in a state of financial comfort.
If only he could buy some run support at the crossbow supply depot! Ha, ha! Right!