Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Museum Exhibit Honoring Phillies Fans to be Despised, Misunderstood by All Other Fans

Exhibit to Respond by Installing Battery-Spewing Security System

Phillies fans have had a busy post season; jetting down to Atlanta in time to hurl garbage onto the field during and after the Wild Card game; running onto the field in Cincinnati and delaying yesterday’s game to make a point about abortion; and watching Hunter Pence and Raul Ibanez inexplicably provide the emotional/literal support their teams need to climb out of a post season hole, which is for some reason way easier to do now in 2012 than it was at any point in 2011.

So maybe it’s about time we got to relax for a change.  This is the first post season we shouldn’t be directly involved in since 2006.  Maybe we could take advantage of the fact that every pitch isn’t a raucous, mind-ripping hellride.

And a great way to do so would be to pack up the kids and head on down to South 7th street to the Philadelphia History Museum at the Atwater Kent, where our likeness is being for some reason celebrated, and not scorned nationally.  There is an outside chance that the exhibit is just a trick to get Phillies fans to show up and just to have us all in the same room for some collective group-scorning, but according to the museum’s web site, this all checks out.

What can we expect from an exhibition on Phillies fans?  Well, why don’t we get all the jokes out of the way:  A pack of batteries, polaroids somebody took fo themselves posing next to a sleeping Scott Rolen that for some reason ‘freaked him out’ and fueled his departure from the city [EDITOR'S NOTE: We just wanted to be close to you, SCOTT. THAT'S HOW THIS WORKS.], a taser, and a bucket of vomit.  Also a back-up pack of batteries for when somebody inevitably steals the first pack in order to throw it at someone they don’t like.

What will actually be on display are seats from the Vet, J-Roll’s jersey, Schmidt’s jersey, the series of photographs featured in Philadelphia Magazine’s 2010 “Ultimate Phillies Fan” contest, and even a champagne bottle from the 2008 World Series locker room celebration.  These items and more will be placed amongst a myriad of photograph and video tributes to the best fans in baseball.

They are always willing to add more stuff, so if you’ve got anything you think other people would want to steal but couldn’t because of museum-level security, get in touch with them right away.

All in all, it’s about time we got some credit, especially in an October where we have to watch all these other teams play, not one of whom, I’m realizing slowly, is the Phillies.  It doesn’t make up for a playoff spot, but at least we’re being talked about in public without some national columnist citing snowballs and Santa Claus.

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