Roy Halladay May Get One More 2012 Start Because Honestly Who Will Stop Him

Christopher Hanewinckel-US PRESSWIRE

The Phillies 2012 “Roy Halladay is not Dead” campaign will continue, as no amount of shoulder spasming will keep the staff ace from getting his last start of a stagnant season.

Today, Doc will throw a bullpen session, but the general vibe seems to be that it would take an ungodly amount of pain or discomfort to keep him from getting to that mound. He’s been crawling with medical staff, trying to find some sort of damage to account for the several instances of spasms, but at this point, all Rich Dubee can blame is “Sleeping wrong, bad beds…”

Of course, Rich Dubee’s Patented Slumber Techniques include sleeping standing up, with fists already clenched, and an alarm clock attached to the gate of a cage containing a starved wolf, so when he says “sleeping wrong,” he could mean, “letting your guard down for a single second.”

Roy Halladay doesn’t allow seven runs in two innings without there being some sort of cataclysm.  The man is suffering through issues common for aging starters, but the Phillies’ inability to pinpoint an exact culprit allows for his inexhaustible desire to seep through.  Unless he is in immediate pain, or Rich Dubee throws his body at him, slumber wolf-fight style, he’ll get out there.

The Phillies staff, though, has always taken a laissez-faire approach out of fear and respect and mostly fear of Roy Halladay.  This will remain his decision until the day Baseba’al calls him to his side.  And even then Doc will be like “Not now, Baseba’al I’m pitching.”  And Baseba’al will be like “Sorry Roy I was just… I’m sorry good luck today.”