July 31, 2012; Washington, DC, USA; Philadelphia Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz (51) slides into second base during the game against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park. Mandatory Credit: Evan Habeeb-US PRESSWIRE

Chooch Sidelined from MVP Campaign, Blog Reports Seven Hours Late

As everyone knows by now, Carlos Ruiz has been put on the disabled list with plantar fasciitis of the left foot, a disease which doctors have confirmed is not life threatening, flesh-eating, or super powers-giving.  This is unfortunate news for the Phillies, who could really benefit from a Chooch bound with super powers he received by getting a special part of his brain jarred loose after taking a series of plate-related beat downs this season.

It’ll be four to six weeks for Chooch, the news of which was devastating for the Phillies as they enter the home stretch of their playoff ruhahahahaha oh man I ‘m sorry.  But the fact that it’s Chooch makes it nice and devastating enough all on its own.

“It was real mild when it started.  And I wanted to stay in the lineup, because that’s what you do.”

–Chooch

Damn it, Chooch.  We want to be so mad at you for playing injured on a team going nowhere, but god damn if you aren’t toughest, nicest, coolest guy ever and hey what do you say we pay you in hugs to avoid that pesky luxury tax threshold.

You’re a team player right come on now.

Just kidding, here is all of my money.

Chooch’s interview tonight, which CSN cut to in the middle of the first inning, featured a despondent Chooch, staring into the distance, speaking slowly, and hating whatever god has done this to him.

At this point, things aren’t “going wrong.”  That would indicate that at some point, things were going really smoothly.

This is not correct. Troy Taormina-US PRESSWIRE

Choochs MVP candidacy and hitting title are all but a dream now; far off in any case, but certainly out of the question at this point.  The very few bright lights of 2012 are being snuffed out as time goes on, and with two entire months left to play, it will be interesting to see just what else is going to happen.

Doc looks pretty good tonight.

Maybe a grand piano will fall on him tomorrow.

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Tags: Chooch

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