Adam Bomb: LaRoche, Detwiler Doom Phils in 3-0 Non-Sweep

Is Ross Detweiler, like, good?  I think he might not be.  And with Cole Hamels starting on our end, this is an easy sweep.  Just like all those other three-game sweeps we’ve pulled off this year [EDITOR’S NOTE: There’ve been none! LOL!].

But in baseball, sweeps are stupidly elusive, and even more so when the team going for the sweep is not interested in playing defense.

That’s not exactly fair.  Ty Wigginton made a catch with a Nationals fan waving a hat in his face, Frandsen made a diving catch, and John Mayberry shot Adam LaRoche down at the plate.  But also Chase Utley couldn’t make a play on a sharp grounder, Jimmy Rollins bobbled the next grounder to set up a Nationals scoring chance, and John Mayberry equalized himself by getting thrown out at the plate by Bryce Harper.

So what do you get when you’re giving and taking simultaneously?  Zero.

And that’s what the Phillies got.  In the top of the third, Chase Utley walked.  Then, in the top of the ninth, he walked again.  In between, no Phillies got on base.  That’s what a starter like Ross Detweiler gets you!  It seems.

Cole Hamels allowed Adam LaRoche to homer in the bottom of the second, and then two singles, then struck out the next three Nats, as if they were some kind of bunch of crap.  It was great; he would fan nine over seven innings.  But the return of Jayson Werth–who went 1-for-3 with a hit, a walk, an RBI, and no threats to destroy anybody’s World Series hopes for all eternity–Adam LaRoche’s three hit night, and the Phillies “first half of a sports movie, before the team gets better from magic/angels/the power of friendship”-style defense and offense really sunk this one.

When It All Went Wrong

Ross Detwiler took the mound before the game started.  Nationals broadcasters gave him the obligatory tongue bath, but this time, they won the game and he went seven innings with three hits, so.  They can say they were right.  Which might be the worst news of the whole series.

Most Attractive Play

Back when you were thinking “…there’s still that chance…” Kevin Frandsen speared a Michael Morse liner to rob him of a base hit.  He had the chance to make mince meat out of Ryan Zimmerman, who was off on the crack of the bat, but somebody shot Frandsen in the leg with a crossbow as he tried to stand up.

Seemed like pretty blatant “aerial assailant interference” but the umps made no call.

Hero

When there is no offense, you turn to the pitching, which was okay, but let’s be honest:  Cole Hamels has yet to pitch the “FFFFFFFUCK YEAH,” 6 year/$144 million start we were kind of hoping he’d have, especially in a game with a chance to sweep a first place team.  But he K’d nine guys and if the offense had shown up, might have gotten there.

Villain

Adam LaRoche provided the background noise for Detwiler’s stupid thing.  It was like enough already.  Being the sole source of offense on a team is so 2012, right Chooch?

What year is it again. Nobody tell me.