Phast Phive: Hurt Pheelings

Charlie’s “confused,” “disgusted,” and “angry” faces are so eerily similar, it’s difficult to say what he’s feeling in this picture.  But if you watched any of the last series, you can guess that it was most likely all three.

LINKS just down here a bit.

Justin Klugh

As if Chase Utley didn’t have enough problems without some weirdo creeping into the stadium and touching all of his stuff.  I’m sure Chase is on the line with the bear trap company as we speak, demanding to know why his didn’t slam shut on the guy’s head as soon as he got within the “personal space” of Chase’s locker.

Phillies fans are a lot of things, but at least we know how to laugh at ourselves.  Why, if you hadn’t spent the last four days laughing your ass off, then you’d probably be on your roof by now, trying to conjure a lightning storm to bring your Chase Utley effigy to life.  Ha, ha, ha.  Ha.

So it’s always fortunate to fuel our laughter with actual jokes, and not just meaningless, maniacal chuckles from nowhere.  Thankfully, we have these Phillies e-cards brought to us by Zoo With Roy.  Michael Martinez’s is the best.

Tony DiStefano

I really wanted to find an article written by someone smarter than me that told me that the Phillies would be fine, that all the crappy baseball we’ve been privy to is just an abberation and the team we see before us is not as bad as they look.  This is as close as I could find.

Sometimes there are times when guys leave your favorite team and you actually keep rooting for them.  Remember that one time when that one guy left and we still….never mind.  Everyone can go to hell.  I never liked you anyway Curt Schilling and this is the type of thing that you get for leaving the Phillies.

Ethan Seidel

In the midst of a 6-game losing streak Phillies fans need something to make them smile. While Charlie might not be able to get the team to take more pitches, his hilarious team-tweet-reading is a must watch for all grumpy Philadelphians. “I’m Charlie Manuel, and I have no idea what Twitter is.“

The Mets continue to surprise, and make my pre-season rants look more ridiculous by the day. Even though they forked over a big chunk of change to the Madoff victims, the team was first to sign their first round pick from this weeks draft. Its bad enough we have to watch them fight for first place, but no one out spends the Phillies!

John Stolnis

The Phillies are what they are folks. I mean, look at the lineup. The rotation is missing its best pitcher. Kyle Kendrick is still pitching every fifth day, as is Joe Blanton. Worley just got off the DL, and Lee spent time there already. As David Murphy pointed out this week, it’s possible the Phillies are even OVERachieving so far this year

And if you’re thinking about looking in the minor leagues for reinforcements, look somewhere else. Domonic Brown still isn’t doing much to prove he’s ready for a full-time Major League spot, and the rest of the system is devoid of anything that can help right away.

And speaking of the minor leagues, although top prospect Trevor May has had a rough last few starts, that isn’t stopping him from pursuing his other passion, spinnin’ the wax. May (or, his alter ego DJ Hey Beef) will be putting on a concert after this Saturday’s Reading Phillies, the biggest break Mr. Beef has ever had.