Phast Phive: Phorsaken
By Justin Klugh
You want bright spots? I’ll give you bright spots. Out backup-backup catcher just hit his first Major League home run. And the bullpen hasn’t given up a run in 12 2/3 innings. So maybe check your facts before you start whining next time.
What’s that? “Everything else is unraveling?” Hey, shut up. Thanks.
Justin Klugh
Obviously, everything is falling apart. Our enemies dance around us with glee. Our friends are nowhere to be found. John Bolaris is hosting a conservative radio talk show. Roy Halladay, while struggling, has tried to organize our thoughts for us. Thanks Roy.
So it makes sense that people have become fretful, panicking lunatics, hurling themselves off ship as if the crate of plague-carrying bees we’re transporting has been opened by curious crewmen. Well, fine. But just know that Philly isn’t the best place to be looking for solace right now. The Sixers are in a deep hole with a single chance to scurry out of it tonight. Not only are the Flyers long gone, but their two former captains are about to make them look the fools.
So maybe the team with like 119 games left in their season, instead of zero or one, could be given a few more chances? No? It’s definitely all over? Well, fuck it, then.
Ethan Seidel
As much as we have all come to hate Bryce Harper in is brief career, at least he hasn’t sunk as low as KG. Harper went as far as to call Philly “a great fan base.” The big ticket could learn a thing or two form Bryce, but it will take more than flattery to win us over Mr. Harper.
For everyone wondering what got Carlos Ruiz said to home plate Mark Cederstrom last night that got him tossed Michael Bauman at Crashburn Alley has the “scoop.”
Tony DiStefano
Someone needs to reassure me that Roy Halladay is fine. Rationally, I know that he is fine, but it is always nice to have someone tell me about it.
I know that these link dumps are supposed to offer something baseball related, but as our beloved Phillies lose yet another series to the formerly lowly Nationals, this is some music that always makes me feel a little bit better. Hopefully clicking on this will give you a small amount of solace in an otherwise soul smashing existence. Here is a Hot Water Music song; I hope it makes you feel better.