Phast Phive: That Crazy Greg Dobbs

Hey, ladies!  This shoe looks pretty comfortable.  I see no reason not to pay $99 for the chance to wear it to a tailgate.  And hurl it at the other team after a beer pong loss.  Which is the only positive I could take from attaching one of these to your foot.

Here come some more links.

Justin Klugh

Item!

Philadelphia’s Fightin’ Phils depart the mean streets of their city for the calmer climate of Clearwater Beach!  Our cameras caught the team out for a jog just this morning!  Go get ‘um, boys!  With ‘ol Richie Ashburn at the lead, this team is ready for all comers, so watch your step, Mr. Gorbachev!  Sadly, Senator Joseph McCarthy has identified 16 of th team’s 25 players as Communist spies, and they currently await execution!  Maybe next year, fellas!

Meanwhile, 60 years in the future, Ryan Howard joins Twitter just in time for the Phillies’ preseason to begin!  Will the allure of this fine technology seduce Howard’s focus against an annual pounding of the Florida State Seminoles?  Probably!  He’s still mortally wounded from his last go-around!

Tony DiStefano

I have always been a sucker for a Cuban defector.  There is so much mystery involved.  Their ages are approximations and they come with the intrigue of coming of age in a communist state.  Jose Contreras is getting ready for baseball.

Brett Myers is one of my least favorite former players of all time.  Recently, the Phillies have been a pretty easy team to root for.  Myers is a notable exception to their likeableness.  With that said, he will probably be effective in his new role.

John Stolnis

The boys over at We Should Be GMs tallied up the Phils’ offensive and pitching numbers during this unprecendented stretch since 2007, and most of those numbers show the Phillies have perhaps been the best team in baseball, despite just the one World Series. (Can you believe we’re actually saying things like “despite just one World Series?” Seriously, when did I become a Red Sox fan?)

And finally, isn’t Greg Dobbs just the cutest? He said this week that the Miami Marlins were the team to beat in the NL East. Makes me just want to pinch his cheeks and give him a lollipop.

John Ricco

Jayson Stark asked Victorino about his recent comments on his looming free agency. His response goes something like this: “I’m willing to take a hometown discount, and because I’m Shane Victorino, I’m going to make this hint as clear as possible.”

Eric Seidman has a message for the Phillies organization: please, please don’t let Juan Pierre become an everyday player this year