Reading Phillies Promise to Concentrate Even Harder on Hot Dogs

Like most gentlemen about town, I prefer my hot dogs both anthropomorphic and furious at me.  I can’t have another grocery day of shouting at the hot dogs, so the city of Reading, where our beloved R-Phils play, has accomodated me and my weird, stupid problem.

"“LOOK AT ME, DAMN IT. I KNOW YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME.”–Me, in the hot dog aisle as grocery store employees nonchalantly surround me and slowly move in closer"

Former team president Chuck Domino, who we can only hope will be starring as the protagonist in an upcoming series of direct-to-DVD explosion-friendly moving pictures, has said that hot dogs are a “…very large part of the experience during a visit to the ballpark.”

Some people come to watch our Double-A affiliate overwhelm opponents with a barrage of confusing mascots, but if you aren’t eating a hot dog while you watch Change Up the turtle chase Blooper the dog around the bases–but not catch him because come on, if turtles could catch anything they wouldn’t be extinct–then you really aren’t enjoying Reading Phillies baseball, because yes, the situation I just described is happening at a baseball game for some reason.

Now, Reading–or “Baseballtown,” as we obviously all call it–has introduced a new character.  He is a hot dog.  And he is furious.  Probably because he does not have a name yet.  But you can help with that!  No, not by eating a disturbing number of hot dogs.  Put… put them down.

You can do what everybody on the internet loves to do, and vote from February 1-5.  Five finalists will be chosen and from there, the official name will be unveiled on February 13th, which finally, finally gives you something to incorporate into that gift for your special someone on Valentine’s Day.

So, now is our time.  If we band together, there is no doubt in my mind that Weenis the Wonder Wiener will be on t-shirts across the Delaware Valley by Mid-March.