Ryan Howard Celebrates Newfound Mobility by Giving Away Sports Equipment

It’s pretty adorable of the Phillies to let children help paint the Phillies mural going up at 24th and Walnut, but what the Phillies seem to be forgetting is that children are horrible artists.  Do you have kids?  Go check out the fridge.  Look at those misshapen people and blue sky that’s only at the top of the drawing.

It’s like they’ve never seen what the outdoors look like.  Unless they truly don’t, in which case what you’re looking at is a pictorial cry for help from under the monstrous, deranged whim of you, their trusted caretaker.

But yeah, it’s adorable, regardless.  As a kid, all I wanted to do was help.  Unfortunately, being a kid, I was useless most of the time, except if somebody was needed to play with LEGO or become inconsolable because they couldn’t play video games past 9:00 pm on a school night.

Ryan Howard, though–he knows how to use kids the right way.  Put a baseball bat in their hands!

Big Piece has abandoned his rascal and is currently walking around with a slightly less ruptured achilles tendon.  Now he just looks like a Hummer that’s been parked in front of a fire hydrant for a month.  But still, progress is progress, and when you throw in that incomparable Ryan Howard Smile, he looks like a million bucks.

In fact, he looks a lot like the over a million bucks that the Ryan Howard Family Foundation donated to Philadelphia area schools in the form of shoes, apparel, and equipment.  Of course, if you follow this web site, you’d know that the Phillies are no strangers to doing wonderful things.  Shane Victorino has kept Hawaii afloat for years, Scott Franzke answers letters in person, and the Phillies in their entirety donated an unfathomable $50 million to a local charity called the Jonathan Papelbon Will Have Money Forever Foundation.