No One Notices All Phillies Injuries Because of How Awesome Phillies Are

For everybody whose written the words “The Phillies aren’t a World Series lock!!!” there is no greater validation than a series of horrific/stupid injuries.

And at the cue of the gunshot that followed Rich Dubee’s expressionless walk behind the shed with Jose Contreras, the Phillies are off and running on what appears to be the second string of rash injuries to befall this–don’t forget–cripplingly enfeebled lineup.

• Jose Contreras – The residually malfunctioning late reliever is now officially done for the season thank to some good old fashioned exploratory surgery, though to most of us, he was already gone.  It’s not like there’s no late relief to step in and Bastardize the 8th and/or 9th innings.
• Jimmy Rollins – Jimmy’s gone and overswagged himself, leading a DL stint that looks to drift into September.  Fortunately, we get to keep half of the left side of the infield because Polanco got reactivated and basically passed Jimmy as he was walking out of the DL Office.
• Cole Hamels – Choked on some fairy dust; he’ll be back after a few days of relaxing in a quiet room with a CD of soothing nature sounds.
• Joe Blanton – Joe Blanton was last seen being the unfortunate, obvious punchline in the majority of Philadelphia-area “reason-for-the-earthquake” jokes, along with Andy Reid.
• Raul Ibanez – Raul caught “Sore Groin” from Jimmy and we just can’t risk starting him in that kind of condition at his age, especially if he plans on ever sitting down again.
• Ryan Howard – Ryan’s actually starting today, so I’m not sure how accurate it is to stick him in here.  But, that’s what you get for reading a blog with no insider information that is only updated pretty much when I fucking feel like it.  Something was wrong was his hand, and then his heel.  Or whatever.  You also don’t get details on this blog.  Only jokes.  And not even good ones.  [EDITOR’S NOTE:  Don’t forget to vote for TBOH as Philadelphia’s best sports blog!!]

Fortunately for the Phillies, the Phillies are the Phillies.  That means guys liek Vance Worley and John Mayberry Jr. can for be spectacular for no reason, and use tailing fastballs/monstrous home runs to make everybody feel better.  Naturally, from this we can deduce that the reason the Phillies are so good is “magic.”