Roy Oswalt to Media: “I’m not dead.”

You want to just proceed with caution here because Roy probably knows how his back and arm feel better than anyone, but still.  I looked at him for seven innings of a  baseball game from the 400 level and I’ve got to say that he looked all right, if pretty small and kind of wet and unwilling to answer any interview questions shouted at him from several hundred feet above.

Me:  ”HOW HAS YOUR RECOVERY BEEN GOING.”

Roy:  **Gives up single to Michael Morse**

Me:  ”INTERESTING.  AND CAN YOU EXPAND ON THAT.

Roy:  **Throws over to first base**

Me:  ”NOW ROY, WILL THIS BE YOUR LAST YEAR IN BASEBALL?  YOUR FANS WANT TO KNOW.

Guy sitting in front of me:  ”Can you… please stop?  This is my daughter’s first Phillies game.”

Guy’s 5-year-old daughter:  **Turns and glares at me**

Roy:  **Throws 91 mph fastball for strike one**

Me:  ”THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SPEAK WITH TBOH, AND BEST OF LUCK OUT THERE TONIGHT.

Usher:  **Coming down the steps with guy in front of me; points at me** “Is this the guy?”

Guy in front of me:  ”Yeah, that’s him.”

Usher:  ”Sir, I’m going to need you to come with me.”

Me:  ”I HAVE A PRESS PASS.”

Usher:  ”Oh yeah?  Let me see it.”

Me:  **Shoves 5-year-old and jumps over railing, breaking both ankles and screaming in pain**

Unfortunately for anyone’s low expectations, Roy continued coming back from the DL pretty well, with a lot of help from the Washington Nationals infield.  They were positively awful, leading to seven–seven–unearned runs, but to a team like the Phillies, who are used to the opposition rolling over for them, it came as no surprise (Right, Braves fans?!  LOL).

After the game, Roy spoke with the media and reaffirmed their suspicions that he was, in fact, alive.

“I’ve pitched 11 years in the big leagues, I can still get out there and pitch. I’m not dead. The biggest thing for me is getting strength back. Once I get strength back, I’ll be OK.”

–Roy Oswalt

You tell ‘um, Roy.  Some journalists tend to over-exaggerate when it comes to player’s careers or injuries or penises.  Others know how to control themselves and put forth their inquiries from a respectful distance.  I look forward to our next exchange and hope that it costs me less bones than this first one.

 

Topics: Back, Journalism, Penises, Roy Oswalt

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