"This was the last time, Phanatic. We're putting you behind a desk." "What?! No! I belong out there, man. THAT'S WHERE THEY NEED ME." "Too bad. We can't take the risk. The mayor's gonna have my ass."

Phanatic's Shenangians Result in Children's Laughter, Hospital Visit

When the Phillies are out of town, you probably assumed, as I did , that the Phanatic finds a local cave and, after gorging on sustenance (which would be like cats or possums or something), curls up and hibernates for the entirety of the road trip.  He is a wild animal, after all, and when his chief purpose for survival disappears, it makes sense that there is little else for him to do but will himself unconscious.  Though I guess he’s a bit concerned about one of his chief food sources being targeted for eradication.

Well, its a moot point anyway because the Phanatic does not succumb to the lethargic tendencies of somebody with a stomach full of warm raccoon meat.  He’s hard at work, if you call dancing and exposing yourself ‘work.’  With the Phils on the road, he’ll hit up a local minor league affiliate, causing elated joy on the faces of young suburban children whose parents are too terrified to travel all the way into the dark heart of the Big City for a little pro ball.

Sometimes, however, bringing laughter to children can end in death.

Fortunately, not this time. Just injury.

Yes, that funny clip from montages of sports mishaps–the ones where the mascot falls off a wall or gets shellacked in the nutsack or is arrested for public indecency in a Wal-Mart–finally hit close to home.  The Phanatic was clocked in, this time in Lehigh Valley special guesting at an Ironpigs game, when he was pulverized in the neck by a foul ball.  He left the game and was taken to a local hospital, from which he was released several hours later.

“Released” or “escaped,” depending on whether or not you think the Phanatic is a man in a costume or an actual wild animal as I appear to believe.

 

Tags: Hospital IronPigs Lehigh Valley Phanatic Phillies

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