"...and if your teachers ask about daddy's job just say something vague and cryptic like I taught you."

Prospect Has Same Body, Future as Roy Halladay

“Roy Halladay is so high on mine and everyone’s list, we don’t use his name with anyone,” [Phillies scout Chuck LaMar] said, laughing but deadly serious at the same time.

Phildaelphia Daily News

I’m trying to picture what a man would look like having a good chuckle while conveying a “deadly serious” vibe.  Does Chuck LaMar possess a laugh that can kill?  If so, why was he using it so closely to a 23-year-old prospect who we’re already guaranteeing is the exact same as Roy Halladay?

His name is Mike Nesseth, and Carlos Ruiz just caught him during extended spring training (How far does spring training extend, by the way?  Is that just what they generally call baseball in Florida?) and, like some have apparently before him, compared his body type (6′ 6″, 210 pounds) to Doc.

But it doesn’t stop there.  Nesseth has a frantic, consistent work ethic, he and Roy have the same agent at the same agency, and the real kicker–their hair color and length is quite similar.

Are we surprised to discover Ruben Amaro, when faced with financial desperation, chose to build a baseball cloning machine that births out younger versions of our biggest stars?  Would we be at all shocked to find that Ruben’s basement smells of hideous mechanical afterbirth as naked ballplayers come barfing out of a twisted series of tubes, creating not only a championship -caliber squad on the Major League level, but in the minors as well?  That even Ruben’s own child fear what goes on beyond the cellar door?

“You must never go down there,” he whispers in their ears while they sleep.  “You must stay above the nightmares.”

Yes, we would be.  Surprised, that is.  Probably “horrified.”  I imagine the term “crimes against humanity” would surface eventually.  And a whole new era of “LOOK HOW DESPICABLE THE PHILLIES ARE” would begin.

So let’s try to keep this secret hidden “Little Doc” as under wraps as we can, by only letting the least popular Phillies blogs write about him.

Tags: Children Cloning Extended Spring Training Phillies Ruben Amaro

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