New Terrible Rumor Has Luis Castillo Coming to Phils

I used to live in farm country.  Stepping outside in the summer time meant the stench of fresh fertilizer being smeared across the landscape.  When you’re a kid, the smell reminds you of being outdoors and having fun.

As a teenager, it jogs your memory, so that maybe you pause before taking a sip of that cheap, unmarked vodka bottle that’s been in your friend’s trunk all day, suddenly nostalgic for a time when having fun meant merely stepping out your front door; not filling your body with so much Uncle Vladimir that your parents find you six hours later in the bathroom, washing your hands with toothpaste and trying to engage the toilet in a lively debate about what the hell Marlon Byrd’s problem is.

As an adult, however, you take a breath of that fresh summer and all it is is a fecal reminder that the Amish family two corn fields north of here has really upped their game this year.

This morning, after several years of becoming all too familiar with the scent, the Mets took one final glance at Luis Castillo’s contract and all they could smell was poop.

But let’s cut the crap.  There’s a serious social issue in here somewhere, if we force it.  So let’s just ask:  Was the move racist?

Absolutely, Castillo told Mets beat writer Andy Martino.

"“Asked if the issue was about race, Castillo, who is Dominican, shrugged and wondered why the public did not appreciate his willingness to play through intense foot and leg pain.”"

And, as we all know, shrugging and providing the answer to a different question is the same thing as saying “Yes; the Mets are a bunch of racists.”

With that concept out of the way thanks to social hero/crusader Andy Martino, we can get down to the really important part of all this:  How does it affect the Phillies?

In between the bouts of hysterical laughter and mockery, there are some things to consider.  The Mets didn’t have to ditch Castillo–they still owe him $6 million.  Choosing to just be rid of him could be considered a smart move, if they hadn’t been so racist about it.  What I’m saying is, could we be looking at the turning point for the Mets and their reckless, clownish tactics?  If so, where will we turn to get our laughs?  “Actual clowns?”  Come on.  They’ve been extinct for 30 years.

Then, there’s the for-some-reason-more-than-a-joke issue of Castillo filling in at second for the Phillies.  I haven’t been this concerned about an acquisition since Ruben Amaro didn’t respond to the Jeff Franceour rumors by politely burning Philadelphia to the ground.  Fangraphs may have presented one of its patented “good, thought out arguments,” but I prefer the one that Charlie Manuel made today when he doubted the existence of any of Castillo’s skills.

Anyone who jumps into that starting second base role and has anything close to comparable success to that of Chase Utley has stumbled upon a nest of miracles in the dirt between first and second.  Luis Castillo has proven he’s not only incapable of such a feat, he actually smothers the chance for a miracle just by standing on the field.

I don’t care if its not his fault he’s despised, or if he thinks the Mets used him wrong, or whatever Andy Martino says in his next bumbling attempt to get into “Chicken Soup for the Racist Baseball Team’s Soul.”   I don’t want to have to go through this every time the Mets cut off one of their ridiculous contracts.