As a nation, we can agree that teachers have it pretty easy. First of all, they don’t work three months of the year (and some of them don’t even have to work any days of the year now). Secondly, their work day ends in the middle of the afternoon. Thirdly, they’re allowed to kick children who misbehave as hard or as fatally as they want in order to maintain order. Fourthly, they have all the money. All of it. Otherwise, wouldn’t I have some? I rest my case. Fifthly, did I say the “don’t work three months of the year” thing? Well, if I say it twice, it counts as two different things.
And now, teachers have the gall to celebrate their profession right in front of the rest of us poor folk who just want to come out, overdraft our checking accounts, and spend $90 on three beers. Oh, sure. Point to the Bucks County Intermediate Unit Education Foundation and their sponsoring of “A Night at the Phillies.” Like offering 400 level tickets for under $30 is some kind of deal; especially when it’s clear that they make enough money to buy out an entire section, fill it money, and set it on fire. Like I want to spend an evening surrounded by the rampant excesses of rich educators sipping champagne from their bejeweled goblets.
“Oh, we better get home, its a school night,” they’ll say, and then laugh uproariously as they mock us with their tantalizing stories of month long pleasure cruises around the tip of South America.
Now the Phillies are even getting in on the act, giving teachers their own night at Citizens Bank Park. Where’s the Phillies Blogger Appreciation Night? Hmm? What are they trying to say? That we all do this for no reason? That nobody gets anything out of it but us? That somehow, blogging about the Phillies is superfluous to the actual needs of society?! Please. I don’t see a bracket set up to determine who the best teacher is.
So, whatever. Write your 500 word essay on why your teacher should be honored or whatever. All teachers ever did for me was convince me to be a writer or teach me words like “superfluous” or point out that there is no way that you could divide $90 amongst three beers and have them be worth it or in one fortunate coincidence, save me from falling out of a hot air balloon that I had set on fire.