R.A. Dickey to Soil Own Name with Tell-all Book
By Justin Klugh
Whoa.
Before you even have the time to think something, the New York Times would like you to know that the Mets’ R.A. Dickey is a better writer than you.
"“Dickey, 36, is far more literary than most pro athletes, and more than even most of the college-educated reporters who write about him.”"
Ha, ha. “College”? What in the hell is that? Whatever it is, it’s automatically obsolete in the face of a knuckleballer with a pen. So, if you’re thinking that R.A. Dickey is just another Major League Baseball player with a shadowy past that’s begging to be transformed into a novel, shut up. He is so literary, after one eyeballing of his words, you will be quoting Faulkner in your sleep and reciting Ulysses whenever a waiter asks you what you want to drink.
"“Always nimble with words, Dickey used the Greek term kairos, meaning an opportune moment, to describe the timing of the book.”"
SHIT.
“Kairos” is a word that is in another language. I had no idea what that meant until the sentence after it spelled it out for me. Nothing says “literary” like dropping a hint to your multiple-linguisticles in midsentence during an interview. I mean, the other day I yelled “Gesundheit!” to a waiter four times because he was allergic to to the dog hair on my shirt and nobody wrote a Times article about me. But whatever.
R.A. Dickey has redefined literature as a concept just by speaking. Does “nimble with words” mean that R.A. can leap through adjectives in a single bound? Can he pole vault over the word “oculocutaneous?” Does he habitually outrun the English language’s fastest verbs; even “snappy” or “hypersonic”?
**GASP** What if those verbs were in Greek?! Would they be even faster?!
"“So he will be writing virtually all of the book himself, with some assistance from Wayne Coffey, a sportswriter with The Daily News.”"
AND HE IS WRITING THE BOOK HIMSELF EXCEPT FOR A LITTLE BIT OF IT.
How exactly does one handle such news? Is this how a cult starts? I feel ready to commit myself.
R.A. Dickey is the future of the written word. It is time to both accept this and celebrate it with a nice, relaxing bowl of untarnished fruit punch. If the information in this article is correct, then the book is going to be about how the knuckleball saved R.A. Dickey’s life, which is ironic, considering the fate of its inventor.
No word yet on how many words of the book will appear in Greek.