In one of those MLB.com articles that actually doesn’t have a video crammed in the middle,we’ve got some drug-addled news out of the Phillies Dominican League team. I’ll let MLB reporter/secret agent from the Deep South Rhett Bollinger explain.
“Phillies Minor League pitcher San Lazaro Solano, a member of the organization’s Dominican Summer League team, tested positive for Boldenone.”
Oh my god. This raises a number of important questions, for instance:
- What the hell is Boldenone.
- Who the hell is San Lazaro Solano.
Naturally, let’s start with the drugs.
Boldenone is a steroid, seven times as anabolic as testosterone, that is usually reserved for horses, when they are too crippled and/or depressed to get out of bed in the morning. The substance initiates weight gain, thicker hair, and better looks. And as the old saying goes, “If it’s good for a sick horse, it will probably make you a better baseball player.”
San Lazaro Solano is a 20-year-old, right handed pitcher who mostly started and sometimes relieved on the Phillies Dominican Summer League roster. I don’t really know anything else and used up all my research on the drug thing and all my hilarity on the “sick horse/baseball player” joke.
He will be suspended for the first 50 games of the 2011 season, as weakened horses the world over plot revenge for their stash being raided.