Charlie Manuel Comes Up With Awesome New Slump-Busting Plan: Swing More

“Manuel said he started struggling lefties Chase Utley and Raul Ibanez against lefthander Wade LeBlanc because he wants both to swing their way out of slumps. Ibanez entered the game hitting .209 (9 for 43) against lefties in 2010.”  -Philadelphia Inquirer

*Ahem*

(inside a very large hole)
Mayor Quimby: Mmm, I guess we’re not gonna find anything.
Otto: Well how we gonna get outta here?
Homer: We’ll dig our way out!
Chief Wiggum: No, no, dig up, stupid!

I realize that any sort of knowledge of baseball is totally obliterated in the face of the offensive catastrophe that has taken over the Phillies lineup.  At this point, they should be employing the aid of a traveling salesman on the back of a covered wagon selling tonic if he made a good enough pitch.  So Charlie’s theory isn’t a bad one.

Except maybe when you consider that asking Raul Ibanez to swing more is like crawling inside the oven and complaining about the heat.

And WOW the comment section at the Inquirer is on fire with people asking for Charlie’s head, which I didn’t really expect, and as if that isn’t enough, they keep referring to him as “the manager” and not by his name.  Do I even need to address this?  No.  But can you imagine the comical ineptitude of the front office if they actually fired Charlie Manuel today.

After two World Series appearances in a row, and becoming the most successful Phillies manager of all time… you really don’t need a first grade education to get a wireless connection, do you?  Though that same education gets you a beer at CBP, ironically enough.

Jimmy Rollins recently found out his injured calf is going to hold him back even longer, and his response was, obviously, to threaten his own muscle:

“It better not be a month.”

At which point J-Roll’s calf looked down at the ground and refused to make eye contact with anyone or explain the weird bruises.

Right now, things are going about as poorly as they could be going.  We’re not quite .500, yet, and we’re not quite behind the Mets, yet, but with the quickening pace of our collective team trainwreck, there’s a new penny on the track every day.  So while it’s not pleasing to discover Jimmy’s outage has been expanded even further, it’s honestly not surprising.  Having him back will be a big help, but if this is really how the team falls apart without him, then they could probably stand to learn how to win in his absence.

Eventually.  Maybe they could do that.

Oh god.  Another nosebleed.

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Tags: Charlie Manuel Jimmy Rollins Ovens Philadelphia Inquirer Raul Ibanez Simpsons

  • http://bureaucratist.blogspot.com bureaucratist

    Maybe the Phils could use some of the Brain and Nerve tonic that gave KGJ gigantism.

    I’ve lived in the South for more than ten years, and the difference in fan reactions is comical. E.g., the Astros are one of the two worst teams in the majors, and I got a text message yesterday from a Houston native telling me how much he likes Brad Mills as a manager. Meanwhile, Charlie has two WS appearances and a bad two weeks and they’re calling for his head! I love Philadelphians.