Well, its Opening Day, and apologies to any OCD librarians in the audience, but its the last time that the teams will be listed in the standings based on alphabetical order.
I think we can all agree, 10th grade algebra was bullshit.
I would look at the review sheet for an exam and, scraping will power out of the dampest, coldest corners of my mind, work out the plausible solutions to the problems, so I could get good grades, go to a high class collegiate institution, and get a job writing sarcastic daily updates for a Phillies blog.
But what would happen was that I’d get distracted by a video game, or a Simpsons rerun, or a moderately loud noise, and with only 6 or 7 of the problems finished, I’d adopt some flawed rationale. Glancing at the remaining problems, I’d think, “Well, these will just be the ones I get wrong.”
I was 17. Clearly, I had better things to do.
This is how I fear we wound up with the current Phillies bullpen. Ruben and company did such a skill, precise job beefing up the weak spots of the roster, capping everything off with the signing of Mr. Roy Halladay, that when the last of his priorities (“third base, bullpen, bench”) rolled arou8nd, he may have looked at his review sheet for Mrs. McSpeenus’ exam (Real name, I swear) and thought “Well, we’ll just get this one wrong.”
Which may be an unfair assessment (To assume I know how an ex-pro baseball player and current GM thinks? Yeah, a little), but its hard not to argue that our roster moves really ran out of steam after Doc showed up and it was time to address the relief pitching.
Which, like an industrial cow-feeder, tubes the problem right back down our throats, and we find ourselves thinking about the Lee-Halladay fiasco. Without going for Halladay, we find ourselves still with Lee, and also more money to develop the bullpen.
But we’re not going to expand on that point, because it’s Opening Freaking Day and its not what anyone wants to talk about. Instead of sitting on a pair of aces, Ruben swapped out for a royal flush, and well, he got it.
And now we’re left with these “questions” Phillies columnists and bloggers have been clattering about for months and months, only the “questions” are loitering around into the regular season, like skateboarding teens outside the Wawa. Its just going to cause trouble.
Well, its April 5. Too late. Time to squint toward the bullpen and see who comes trotting out. At leats now we don’t have to sit through column after column of “groundbreaking” Philly journalists informing us of these “questions.”
It’s Opening Day. Time for some answers.