Why are the pretty ones always insane? Because the ugly ones are exchanging sex for money.

Ha, Ha, Ew


You know it’s a good day in January when the sun is shining, the temperature is climbing, and you’re being cleared of all prostitution charges.

Yes, the fairy tale of Susan Finkelstein, the Phillies fan who tried to get World Series tickets by having sex with people she met on Craigslist, (Craiglist!  Of course, I’ve been wasting my time on these fruitless Facebook sex scams), just a got little more magical.  Her lawyer was cackling with glee as Miss Finkelstein was cleared of promoting prostitution, and is now charged merely with being a prostitute.

“Which is great, because now we can explain the difference to all the kids at school and they’ll stop making fun of us for having a whore mom,” exclaimed her children.

And now for a seamless transition to a story actually about baseball.

Noah Lowry! Who is he?!  He’s an ex-Giants reliever who will be trying to get somebody’s attention in a big way with a throwing session on Tuesday.  The Phillies are curious, but so are like 10 other clubs, and right now Ruben Amaro is highlighting every ad for a relief pitcher he comes across.

Which is the right thing to do; as little money left as there is… or isn’t… to spend on the bullpen, it’s healthy to take a look at everything, even though Lowry hasn’t pitched professionally since 2007.  But, the throwing session is set up in Arizona, and the 2003-07 San Francisco Giant with the 4.03 ERA is getting his big chance.

In closing, the Mets signing Jason Bay is like a man hiring a contract killer to take out his wife, but putting him in Citi Field is like telling him he has to do it with a spoon.

Tags: Noah Lowry Prostitution Susan Finkelstein