This is what Pedro Matrinez looks like, by the way.

No More Pedro(s)

It’s Sunday, and across the country, and “Andy Reid’s brain damage” seems to be the reigning excuse for the Eagles’ inability to close out a game.  They’ll try to score more points than the Chargers in order to get a victory in that football game.

My Packers are defending Lambeau from an onslaught of Dallas assholes.

And Shane Victorino has the same handwriting as me:


Now, some people, like my ex-girlfriends, or the police, are going to tell you that I have a “weird obsession” with Victorino, but I assure you that it’s a totally normal obsession, and has never escalated beyond some spirited chants that only twice got me removed by perplexed and disgusted Citizens Bank Park staff.

And now for a story that’s actually something.

This past year, during one of Pedro Martinez’s stellar starts that caught everyone off guard, Roommate and I convinced a friend of ours that because he’d been out of the country during the off-season, Pedro had somehow contracted malaria and has a high risk of inadvertently emptying his bowels after a pitch.

I forget what the point was of telling you that, but Pedro Martinez may not want to be a Phillie next year.

“I know he had a wonderful time in Philadelphia. He loved the city. He loved the organization. It was a great experience. I know he enjoyed being part of the Phillies while he was there.”

-Fernando Cuza, Pedro’s agent

The past tense of this statement and the fact that Pedro went and filed for free agency seem to be pretty good indicators in his disinterest in sticking around.

He had some great career performances this year at age 38, fighting off Tim Lincecum or executing the Mets one by one (though you can’t really call that an “accomplishment”).

So, I don’t really know what his plans are.  Take his arm out for a couple more spins before he sends it to the scrapyard, I guess.  He did prove he could pitch under postseason pressure and battling the flu.

Which leaves us without an arm we depended on a couple times this year.  And with Ruben Amaro marching down Broad Street, chanting “Third base, bullpen, bench,” clearly no one is too concerned about Pedro’s vacancy.

I know I don’t have to list the Phillie starting pitchers for you, but I will, because it’s a Phillies blog, and I’ve got to use up this space.

Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, J.A. Happ, and the minor league terror of Kyle Drabek is being expected to rear his head at some point next season.

And Jamie Moyer’s still under contract, guys.  Don’t ever forget that.

Tags: I TOLD YOU I'M NOT CRAZY I'm Not Crazy Pedro Matrinez Philadelphia Phillies Ruben Amaro Shane Victorino

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