What might have happened if the Phillies made the postseason

Bryce Harper #3 of the Philadelphia Phillies (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
Bryce Harper #3 of the Philadelphia Phillies (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images) /
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The Phillies didn’t make the playoffs in 2020, but it’s fun to pretend.

If you did not notice, the Philadelphia Phillies missed the postseason this year. However, I ran some simulations using the most advanced predictive metrics to determine what would have happened if they had made the playoffs. Here are the results.

Simulation One, Wild Card Round: Phillies vs Dodgers

71. . 6. . 0. . 0.

None of Aaron Nola, Zack Wheeler, and Zach Eflin can pitch game one after they all pitched in the final days of the regular season. Just as Joe Girardi is about to pencil in Vince Velasquez and then put on a blindfold so he doesn’t have to watch, Matt Klentak has a better idea…

Using “analytics,” Klentak has discovered that Realmuto should be the game one starter. Realmuto can throw from home to second base at 88 MPH. Therefore, he should be able to throw half that distance at 176 miles per hour, making him the best starting pitcher of all time.

Unfortunately, J.T. can’t catch for himself, and Andrew Knapp is utterly incapable of catching a ball at that speed, so the Phillies lose the game due to a record 87 passed balls. J.T. remains at catcher for the rest of the series.

Luckily, the Dodgers are forced to forfeit the rest of the series after placing their entire lineup on the IL due to 176 miles per hour fastball-related injuries. Phils win!

Simulation One, Division Series: Phillies vs Padres

. 0. . . 0. 6. . 127

The Phillies and Padres are very evenly matched–both teams have a $300 million superstar (Manny Machado and Bryce Harper), a talented rookie infielder (Jake Cronenworth and Alec Bohm), and an MVP-level young stud (Fernando Tatis Jr. and Phil Gosselin).

They split the first four games of the series, so it all comes down to game five.

In the bottom of the ninth, Austin Nola comes to the plate with the bases loaded and the Padres down by one. His brother Aaron is on the mound. Austin points his bat to the stands, aiming for a home run, but just then his mother calls and yells at him to “let his little brother win this time!” Austin Nola strikes out looking on three pitches down the middle.

The Phils win! Again!