Dan Uggla Temporarily Locked out of Braves


They did it, everyone. The Braves’ endless whining and misguided self-righteousness have gotten them a playoff spot.

Also, there was the nuclear hitting and effective pitching that were strong enough to help them climb out of any K-fueled tailspins. But it seems pretty obvious to this American that it was their steadfast commitment to playing the game the right way that got them the NL East division flag.

Sep 2, 2013; Atlanta, GA, USA; Atlanta Braves second baseman Dan Uggla (26) against the New York Mets during the 8th inning at Turner Field. The Braves won 13-5. Mandatory Credit: Kevin Liles-USA TODAY Sports

Now, all there is to do is lean back in a chair with both hands behind their heads and wait for this Wild Card business to sort itself out, then coast through the NLDS against the Communist Dodgers and nab that trophy that proved so hard to get more than one time in 14 years. All your favorites will be there.

Brian McCann! Chris Johnson! Justin Upton! That other, not-as-good Upton that we all wanted to be on our team! Dan Ugg–


Apparently, after all of the muscly, .179-hitting he mustered this year, along with some laser eye surgery, bargain bin action figure Dan Uggla is being left out of all the fun.

What happened? Was his uniform size so small that it constricted his strength into unusable blood clots? Can that even happen? Maybe. Uggla has revolutionizes the undersized uniform game in recent years. Combine that with the Braves’ new interest in Eliot Johnson, and Uggla somehow being even less helpful down the stretch (.099 with a .416 OPS in his  last 129 plate appearances, per Drew Silva at HBT), and you have a recipe for being given the wrong address so the Braves can go be in the playoffs without you.