Phillies Stick a Cloyd in their Lannan-Hole

Let’s start with a tweet nobody thought was funny last night.

Well, you better ‘get it,’ because it’s pretty much the joke that gave birth to this headline.  And honestly, if you’re still muddled and confused by it all then what the hell you’re even doing here, reading this, is beyond me.  We’re just trying to have fun on the internet.  And you’re ruining it with your whiny ‘bleeeehhhh I don’t get jokes’ crap.

Aug 20, 2013; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Tyler Cloyd (50) walks back up the mound after giving up a home run to Colorado Rockies catcher Wilin Rosario (20) during the third inningat Citizens Bank Park. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

YOU GET OUTTA HERE.

That Ball’s Outta Here: The Baseball Blog That Orders You to Leave It.

So anyway, John Lannan is gone.

He was locked up in stasis and slid into one of those stasis-pods for the rest of year due to a tear or a rip or a fracture of some kind.  Let me check.  Oooooh boy, he’s got a 60% tear in his knee tendon!  That’s slightly more than hanging by a thread, but still.  More than half his tendon just hanging there, limply inside his knee.  Gross.  He says he’ll probably be getting knee surgery, unless you guys just want to see some kind of 100% tear, you monsters.

But yeah, he’s gone.  So naturally we’ve got Tyler Cloyd back, the last “obvious choice” quad A guy, meaning if something else happens to anybody, it’ll be a fun little mystery of who gets to start.  Meh, probably Raul Valdes.  Damn.  Stupid easily solvable mysteries.

Tyler’s here, and last night things weren’t so great.  He gave up those three runs in the first inning, though if it makes you feel any better, two were on a home run to Troy Tulowitzki, whose klaxons and blaring that he is about to go nuclear.

The Phillies will probably start thinking about non-tendering Lannan, which would be great.  He’s most likely not a key point in the future, unlike Jonathan Pettibone, who should be back soon, and maybe even Roy Halladay, who continues to be a very sad question mark.

And then there’s sweet, sweet Tyler Cloyd.  Remember when the Phillies were sending him up to Lehigh for four days, then calling him up only when he was going to start?  Poor kid.  Maybe he can use the rest of the year to build up some good-looking stats.  Or maybe he’ll just suck like everybody else.