Roy Halladay Totally Promises to Come Back Real Soon and Fix Everything


Coming off a three game sweep and their first summit on .500 in weeks, the Phillies got some good news from Roy Halladay.

He is feeling great, and all but promised to wait until it will be most inspirational for everyone, then burst in at halftime and save the day.  Then, he’s going to give the best speech, and go out there, and throw the best game, and then also Bryce Harper will get mad and try to fight him, but he’ll slip on a banana peel and wind up hanging upside down from a chandelier.


Apr. 25, 2012; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay in the dugout against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

But mostly, Halladay tried to suppress what must have been a terrible urge to say, “Pardon my language, by eff yes I will be pitching again this season.”  He indicated the surgery on his shoulder went even better than expected, and that the range of motion he’s sporting now is the best its been in two to three years (Also the weirdly specific amount of time the doctors quotes when referring to “turning back the clock“).

He also stressed there are “a lot of steps to be taken,” and that he is doing leg strengthening workouts almost every day with Rich Dubee, and unless the wheels totally fall off for no reason, he has no reason to think he won’t show up again this year.

It would be an interesting twist.  Would Doc be coming back to establish newfound trade value?  Or would he prove himself so deliciously repaired that the Phillies exercise his $20 million option?  It would be great to just see him effective on the mound again in a Phillies uniform, honestly; $20 million on one more year of a guy who powers through injuries and remains at risk seems a bit more fragile of a deal than the Phillies could afford right now.

But the man’s got to listen to his “guts” and they’re telling him he “will be back.”  So until then, we’ll just have to take his quotes out of context and turn that delusion into a happiness factory.