Carlos Zambrano Totally Ready and Available, He Reminds You



Hey, yeah, guys.  It’s me.  It’s Carlos.

“Big Z” they used to call me.  Now they don’t really call me anything.  Unless… does “whispering to each other and pointing” count as a nickname?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.


Aug. 22, 2012; Phoenix, AZ, USA: Miami Marlins pitcher Carlos Zambrano pitches in the eighth inning against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I’m still down here in Clearwater, livin’ it up with these low A minor leaguers.  They’re a cool bunch.  We have fun.  They mutter things to each other, and then shove one of their friends in my direction, and he sheepishly asks me a question related to my anger problem.  And I just smile and nod.  It’s a thing we have!  We’re all friends.

So, I don’t know if you saw, but I threw six scoreless innings the other day.  It was pretty cool, I guess.  They just kept sending these kids with bats up there and I got most of ‘um out.  I mean, it’s low A ball, so it’s not like this is a truly difficult thing to do.  I remember being a ball player at their age and all I wanted to do was put in my workouts, do the best I can, and secretly throttle the towel boy when no one was looking.

I just want to make sure you guys know I’m doing all right.  Like, pretty doggone all right.  Six scoreless seems like it would be a dream for the Phillies at the Major League level.  But I understand.  Sometimes it can be hard to admit you really need help.  Sometimes bashing a Gatorade cooler with a bat just seems like the only sane thing to do.

When that camera crew from “Behind the Pinstripes” came up to me, I thought it was to tell me I was being promoted.  It was a little irritating when they just wanted to talk to me about baseball, but I understand, I think.  Mostly, I just want to pitch.  Sometimes I want to pitch so badly that I wake up with blood on my hands!  Ha!  Ha ha!

2013 could be a big year for us, if you let it be.  So I guess I’m just saying I’ll be down here, if you need.  Right over here in Clearwater.  Throwing six shutout innings.  No big deal.