Series Six-Pack: “These are the types of questions that piss me off.”


And now for a  bi-annual tradition: An incredibly hostile exchange with Tom Smith of Rum Bunter, in celebration of an interstate rivalry that does not exist with the Pirates.  I answered a few of his questions as well.

This first one comes from a guy on Twitter named DJ Weed Pizza. He asks,

DJ Weed Pizza has to be one of the best twitter names especially when I read that he represents the Kraft Microwavable Weed Pizza. Damn that’s good stuff. Hmm…let me see over/under on the amount of swings and misses J-Roll will have on the nastiest curveball in baseball right now….if only I had a weed pizza to really put deep thought into this answer. I am going to go with 2.5 swings and misses and 1 strikeout for J-Roll against A.J. Burnetts curveball.

It’s a bit under what Rollins has done in his career against A.J, but, heh, call me a sandbagger.

In his recent commercial, Andrew McCutchen says that he “plays for the start of a new dynasty.” You recently wrote that “Unless Changes Made Pittsburgh Pirates Bubble Bound To Burst.” How far from several consecutive championships are the Pittsburgh Pirates? Express your answer in terms of hatred for me.

See Justin, these are those types of questions that you ask me that piss me off beyond belief. It’s like you realize how badly these type of commercials bother me. Andrew McCutchen plays for the start of a new dynasty? Really?

McCutchen plays like a madman, however dynasties are built around pitching. Just like you guys in Philadelphia did with that rotation of….no wait. Shit, that didn’t turn out like I wanted it to. But back to Pittsburgh, unless McCutchen can become the fourth starter in this Buccos rotation, consecutive championships for the Pirates are down the turnpike–maybe 2015? Yeh, 2015.

Speaking of McCutchen, because I don’t know anyone else on the Pirates, what can we expect from his appearing on the cover of MLB ’13: The Show in regards to a horrible curse?

Clown question bro. We covered this already.

Since I know you’re too damn lazy to read [EDITOR’S NOTE: I am]. There isn’t a curse. Next question.

You may have noticed the Phillies have called up Jonathan Pettibone to make his first career start against the Pirates.  Are the Pirates the kind of lineup that can make adjustments and produce, despite never seeing a pitcher before?  Or are they more like the Phillies, and fail to do so even if they’ve seen the pitcher several times before?

The Pirates offense just came alive against the hottest team in baseball taking three of four from Atlanta. So this guy sucked at Lehigh Valley I guess? If the Pirates keep up the trend, I would imagine the offense goes into a shell. It’s a 1-0 win for the Bucs and looks like this:

A.J. Burnett throws a one-hitter.

He strikes out 12 Phillies. Watch for the #STFD hashtag.

And Burnett hits a solo bomb.

Burnett has been pretty good since coming over from the Yankees. Really good.

How did the “Russell-Martin-is-a-third-baseman-now” experiment go on Friday?  How does it measure up to our “Starting-left-fielder-Freddy-Galvis” experiment?

He didn’t look lost. It made him smile and if he keeps getting on base like he has been lately. I would try and get him a start at the hot corner once a week.

The Phillies and Pirates both fall into that lump of teams who could very well sit at .500 all year, but with a few lucky bounces, could grab a Wild Card. Or, with a few unlucky bounces, they could grab nothing except shame. Of the two teams, who is more likely to be that lucky one?

Come on. The Pirates have been breaking hearts around here for 20 years Justin. The Bucs don’t get lucky. Next question.

Wait. That’s all you got?  [EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes.]