Phillies Hide Secret Balloons Throughout City of Philadelphia

If you thought the preseason surprises were over, think again.  The Phillies are are hiding Phillies balloons all over Philadelphia for what has been widely assumed is a reason.

Despite “This is NOT an April Fool’s Day joke,” being exactly what somebody trying to pull off an April Fool’s joke would say, the Phillies are content to have everyone leave their jobs early and turn Philadelphia into a panic-stricken Thunderdome of competitive balloon-finding.

Official counts put the “descent into violent mayhem” in the range of 15-20 minutes, namely because the Phillies have also mentioned that the balloons are filled with tickets for Opening Week, which, on the list of things that people in Philadelphia will act like crack fiends about, come in second only to “actual crack.”

The Phillies have not ruled out taunting people online via Twitter, so that maybe if they ruled out looking for the prize around town, and then realize that there’s one right near their office, they’ll enter into a frenzy and put their careers on the line to get to a Phillies game.

In other news, I have to go.

**Sheaths meat cleaver**

That may seem weird but I actually do that every time I leave the house.