It was a quiet afternoon in Dunedin, thanks to the stifling bullshit of Blue Jays’ ace Josh Johnson, who allowed four hits in five and a third innings, striking out eight Phillies, Dom Brown twice.
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports
The Phillies managed four hits off Johnson, from Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Ben Revere, and Kevin Frandsen. Revere got to second base on a steal. And that’s about it. Johnson punched out Utley for fun and then they pulled him out of the game to make it fair. Darren Oliver came in and pitched a scoreless two thirds in the sixth. Afterward, the Phillies yanked a bunch of starters and stuck Galvis, Frandsen, and Orr out there to man the infield.
Oh, and while all this was happening, John Lannan gave up 12 runs on 14 hits and two home runs. Toronto made absolute hamburger meat out of Lannan, who left the field, walked directly to his car, started driving, and just thought about life, you know?
Zach Miner came in and gave up a solo shot to call his own.
The Blue Jays 1-6 hitters went 11-for-21 off Lannan and Miner. Jose Reyes and Melky Cabrera teed off on Lannan especially, with Reyes icing a triple and Cabrera doing one of those anti-drug home runs that count double. They would end the day with five combined RBI. But the real day was had by J.P. Arencibia, who went 3-for-4 with a double, a home run, and five RBI. He was gross. Lannan’s eight-run second inning was especially disturbing.
Mike Adams came in next for the Phillies’ half of the sixth, allowed a walk, then K’d Maiser Izturis looking and Colby Rasmus swinging, consecutively. Emilio Bonfiacio worked a full count until he, too, got outside cornered by the magic of Mike Adams.
Something called Steve Susdorf knocked in a run in the ninth inning and the Phillies’ comeback was on. Erik Kratz crunched a two-run RBI double, cutting the deficit to single digits, but then the Phillies’ offense was deeply hampered by the game ending. The final score was 13-4.
Basically, it was just a stupid day of Josh Johnson punching through the Phillies’ lineup like they were wet paper, John Lannan failing to get his pitches to even be “John Lannan-esque” effective, that horrible wind storm hanging out over the stadium, and Kyle Kendrick making sure morale didn’t rise anywhere on earth for the Phillies. Lannan had some butt-related reflections after the game.
Ha, ha. Great.