Jonthan Papelbon’s ERA Sitting at a Balmy 108.00

Phillies $50 million closer Jonathan Papelbon is having an explosive spring, only instead of “into the catcher’s mitt” his $50 million pitches are exploding “off the bats” of opposing hitters.

Things didn’t get much better for old Paps today, as he walked to the mound, ERA already blossoming in the sun.  Then in the fifth inning of today’s game against the New York Yankees in Tampa, something called “Addison Maruszak” singled off him, knocking in two runs, and continuing the spring training trend of Jonathan Papelbon allowing tons of runs.

“LOL,” said Rich Dubee. Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Jokes continued today that flirted with the line between whether or not these games and matters like Papelbon’s hilariously bulbous earned run average should be taken seriously, with the general consensus landing somewhere in the realm of “whatever you feel, just remember to react strongly.”

It became difficult to tell who was feeling things and who was sarcastically portraying the people who were feeling things.  Jonathan Papelbon had yet to give a statement giving his affect on the internet at press time.  Experts agree it would have been something like, “What? No.”

Triple digits are uncommon for ERAs, but given the limited number of appearances for Papelbon this early in spring training, it seems unfair to judge him on the merit of that big-ass stat alone.  Although oh man, six earned runs in 0.2 innings is a funny amount.

Experts remain firm in their stance that this is one incidence when math might actually make things more fun.