Phillies Politely Invited Matt Tolbert Not to Come to Spring Training

Matt Tolbert has everything; a hat, a glove, a batting average.  That’s enough for a Phillies minor league contract.

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Not enough to get invited to Spring Training, though.

Yes, settle down, Matt Tolbert fans.  Just because he’s been signed and is over exactly 30 years old does not mean he automatically gets to be in the Phillies infield.  And perhaps that’s why he was brought in; to be the example that prove the Phillies don’t just have an “older guy” thing.

Anyway, he’s a switch hitter!  And he once has a .712 OPS in 2006.  Then a .518 one in 2012, when he also couldn’t hit .200.  Gross!  The only thing between the “Chicago Cubs” and “Philadelphia Phillies” sections of his Wikipedia page is a small white space.

But he knows how to hit Billy James Gobble!  Whom the Phillies have a very small chance of facing.  Not because he is a cartoon chicken that teaches children math, but because he is buried deep in the Rockies’ minor league system, trying to forget the day he let Matt Tolbert go 3-for-6 with a home run in a humiliating 20 to 1 loss.

UPDATE: We cannot confirm that Matt Tolbert has a hat and apologize for any misleading nature of this article.