Cole Hamels Planning to “Change Up” Devastating Philadelphia School Closures


Cole Hamels has taken on many roles in his time in Philadelphia: Focus point to legions of the obnoxiously insatiable, Xfinity Triple Play spokesman.

“Sometimes I just think about LIFE, y’know?” Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports


But now, having passed through the formulaic opening clause where we list things Cole Hamels has been because this is an article about a thing he is now, we can tell you that Cole Hamels has become an advocate for keeping Philadelphia-area schools open.

Cole’s six-year extension with the Phillies may have something to do with it; if he intends to stay here and raise a family, then he wants the schools to be in tiptop shape; or at least, functioning.  However, his scheduled meeting with School Supt. William Hite is based on his short term anger, that schools now scheduled to close in the coming year are the very ones to which he has donated supplies and equipment.

Of course, that list is only four schools long; whereas the list of schools closing in its entirety is made up of 37 schools.  Hamels is looking to glare angrily across the table about Bayard Taylor Elementary, Wilson Elementary, Shaw Middle School, and Fairhill Elementary closing.

But in the end, will most likely accomplish nothing.

"“Legally it was a donation.  So at the end of the day, they have the final say.”–Hamels Foundation operations officer G-N Kang"

After a night of aggressive negotiation with an elementary school superintendent, and leaving pamphlets on the table for “Xfinity’s new $17.99 HIDDEN BALL TRICK” package, which only sky rockets up your ass $75.00 a month for no reason after three months, Cole will probably seek out a quiet place to have a hard drink and think about just how fucked up everything is, you know? (h/t classic Zoo With Roy, but you knew that.)

h/t classic

Zoo With Roy