Chase Utley Basically Promises World Series Win for 2013


Chase is having an active winter, compared to the last one, in which he just, I don’t know, sat there staring daggers into his knee.

“That’s… that’s just not what I said.” Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

He’s sending emails, he’s garnering optimism.  And how he’s making us what are essentially guarantees of the 2013 Phillies’ success!

I know, I know–that’s not a healthy way to think.  I mean, heck, even if the Phillies were legitimate contenders this season, a guarantee from one of the players would be at best, merely nice.  But there’s no science  or logic to it, so in the end, it’s worthless.

Unless, of course, Chase Utley says it!  Then, obviously, all of that common sense I just appeared to have can be abandoned like Michael Martinez on the side of the highway.

In a recent list of things he and his wife are thankful for, headed by an image of Chase standing in front of a Philadelphia mural and clutching a pit bull’s leash, the second baseman appealed to our sense of unwarranted, undesired enthusiasm:

"8. The chance to play for another World Series title in 2013!Definitely thankful for that.—Chase and Jen Utley"

I know, I know!  It’s amazing!

Sure, you’re probably thinking, “That’s not a guarantee; in fact, it’s not even close,” or “Hey, they couldn’t even rank the World Series one above Homeland.”

But the mere fact that Chase is talking about the World Series is enough for me to assume that he’s saying if the Phillies don’t make the World Series, he will disassemble reality.

To the casual fan, it may appear that “That isn’t what Chase said,” or “It seems like you’re putting a lot of pressure on something that almost certainly won’t happen just so you have an excuse to react ludicrously when it doesn’t, Justin.”  And maybe you’re half/entirely correct.  But if Chase Utley is thinking about the World Series enough to vocalize it, then he must be healthier than he’s been in years.

Because at this point last season he was grabbing a doctor by the collar and demanding he make his bones work.

So you see, everything will be fine!

**Sees a Michael Martinez skulking about the windows; grabs broom and bangs on glass.**

You get outta here!  Scram!  SCRAM!